Strata Gem

November 2005

President’s Message

 

Our show was a big success. Let's give a big hand to Larry Higley, our show chairman, for a job well done.  I want to thank everyone who participated in the show, and a special thanks to everyone who came to set up and tear down: a big job well done. We will elect officers for 2006 at our November meeting. Nominations from the nominating committee are President Bob Titus, Vice President Ruth Smith, Secretary Larry Wilson, and Treasurer Larry Higley. Don't forget our Christmas party on December 10th at the Elks building behind the post office. Use the north door to the basement. Members are free and nonmembers are $11.00. Friendly Hour is 5:00p.m. and dinner starts at 6:00p.m. Come and enjoy.

 

Bob Titus

President

 

Tooele Gem & Mineral

Tooele Senior Citizens Center

11 October 2005

 

The meeting was called to order by President Bob Titus every one was welcomed, the minutes of the last meeting were read and approved. The treasurer’s report was read and approved. Larry Higley reported on the money we took in from the different area of the show, grab bags $997.35, the door $1115.80 the wheel $663.54 sawdust $171.30 popcorn $327.90 kitchen $2313.54. We had four cases of water, and we sold a little over three cases.  Bob reported that our show this year was a success thanks to all the hard work we put into it. We did have some problems, some things were said that hurt people’s feelings, some apologies were made, some were accepted and some were not, and we may have lost some members because of this but he hopes not. We should strive to do better in the future. We also run out of wheel prizes and had to go out and buy some. We will need to make more prizes for next year than we had for this year, perhaps we can do crafts at the steak fry, we will think about what we could do and decide later.

The Wasatch Gem Society show will be held next week at the Utah State Fair Park we should make an effort to support them. It was mentioned that we might have our steak fry at Jay Woods home next year.  We will need more rock bags made we have very few left after this year, Mary Helen West is making some for us, and we will need at least two thousand, our rock supply is adequate but we may want more diversity in our supply. We will have our rock bag fill at Jay Woods home again this next year; it looks like he has a permanent job. Jay needs more help visiting the schools next year, the schools liked our demonstrations so much that he had to go visit another school after the show.

Our Christmas dinner will be December 10^th at the Elks Lodge behind the post office in Tooele, happy hour will be from five to six dinner will be sirloin steak or shrimp there is a sign up sheet here tonight or you can make reservations, for the Salt Lake area call Bob Titus in the Tooele area call Jay Woods or Don Smith, members get in free for all others their will be an eleven dollar fee. The young girls that helped with the kitchen are invited to attend the Christmas party free of charge.

The nominating committee nominated Bob Titus for President Ruth Smith for Vice President Larry Higley for Treasurer Larry Wilson Secretary.  We will vote on club officers next month, if you want to be an officer come next month and be nominated from the floor. Eldon Shinkle has volunteered to be show chairman next year.

Mickey Miller won the door prize. Donna Chavez will bring the treats next month. We will have a video on volcanoes after the meeting. The meeting was adjourned.

 

Minutes submitted by

Larry Wilson

Secretary

 

Club Christmas Party

 

Our Christmas Dinner will be December 10^th at the Elks Lodge (North Door) 61 N Main St., behind the post office in Tooele. Happy hour will be from 5-6 PM, Dinner at 6 PM. Chooses will be sirloin steak or shrimp, served with baked potato, salad & cake. Members are free for all others their will be an $11 fee.

You can call to make reservations before Dec. 5^th.

 

 

Welcome New Members:

 

Steve Pope

Ben & Camile Shinkle

Richard & Colleen Speaker

Russ & Rochelle Thornock

Ken & Mikella Johnson

 

Forests Of Stone

No author given, via Tuscarora Bulletin 11-77

via The Roadrunner 7-99

via The Rockhound Gazette 9-05

 

Petrified wood deposits have been found in every one of the United States, as well as in many foreign lands.

Second to the Petrified Forest National Park in Northern Arizona the largest deposit of petrified wood is believed to be lying in the Egyptian desert south of Cairo. A petrified tree accumulation in Patagonia at the tail-tip of South America also is notable for size. It contains Araucarioxylon similar to that of Arizona. The oldest petrified trees are the sheared stumps of Eospermatoopteris taxilis, a seed fern uncovered by a flood at Gilboa, New York in the Catskills. They are extinct relatives of a New Zealand fern tree, and are thought to have prospered 330 million years ago. This unique antiquity also makes them the earliest known trees. Ginkgo Petrified State Forest State Park west of Vantage, Washington was established in 1934. Despite the park's name, over 2000 varieties of petrified wood have been identified there, but only a few trees are ginkgos. Near Calistoga, California in the Napa Valley is the Petrified Forest (that is its proper name) where sequoias are embalmed in volcanic mudflows; above them soar living trees of the same kind.

Yellowstone National Park has a number of petrified tree forests. The most notable lies imbedded in the walls of the Lamar Valley. Twenty-seven distinct layers of buried forests, one on top of the other, are exposed in the steep valley, and many trunks remain upright, an unusual occurrence, because even when petrified in that position, erosion and quakes and shifting of the earth eventually bring most to a humbler posture. Over 100 species have been counted- hickory, maple, dogwood, chestnut, laurel, elm, magnolia, fig, redwood, sycamore, walnut, willow and more.

A short drive from Florissant, Colorado, is the Pike (also called the Colorado) Petrified Forest. It is small, but the sequoias that once grew here were towers. One of the stumps has a base diameter of 27 feet. The height of the live tree can only be conjectured. The largest tree yet discovered is also a sequoia - 14 feet, not the greatest diameter, but the trunk can be traced to 295 feet. Weight may be 500 tons. It rests prone, partly covered by desert sand in the Emerald Formation of Southwest Nevada near Coaldale.

Circle Cliffs in the Capitol Reef country of south central Utah, may have more large petrified trees than any other area in America. A number of monoliths measure, it is said, 10 to 123 feet in diameter. The region is difficult to reach and [is] only superficially explored.

The most valuable single piece of petrified wood gem material is believe to be the famous Roebling Opal, a hunk of silicified bark weighing 17 ounces and valued at more than $20,000. The gem came from Humboldt County in northern Nevada near the Oregon line where much pre-precious opalized wood has been uncovered.

With erosion constantly going on, there may well be larger tree unearthed since the article was first written.

 

Rock Chips 11/05

 

Safety First - Hand Tool Safety - Pliers & Files

by Bill Klose, EFMLS Safety Chair

 

Slip joint pliers, which include the well-known water pump pliers, have serrated jaws with a rod-gripping sec­tion and are used to hold objects. The slip joint accommodates objects of different sizes. These pliers may also have a cuffing edge for soft wire and nails; however cutting large or hard items will spring the jaws. Arc joint pliers are similar, but may have straight or curved jaws and will accommodate a variety of object sizes. The tightening of bolts or nuts with slip joint or arc joint pliers is not recommended and will usually result in damage to the nut or bolt and may lead to knuckle injuries if the pliers slip. Use wrenches for tightening nuts and bolts. Vice grip pliers are designed to provide a tighter grip, but are still not to be used to tighten nuts and bolts. Parallel jaw pliers are designed to hold flat surfaced items, such as sheets of metal.

Flat nosed and round nosed pliers have a fixed pivot jaw and curved handles, which may or may not be equipped with insulated grips. The flat nosed pliers may have smooth or serrated jaws and are designed to bend light sheet metal or wire. Round nose pliers are used to make loops in soft wire.

Diagonal cutting pliers have a fixed pivot and curved handles that are offset 15 degrees so as to provide the operator enough knuckle clearance while making flush cuts in soft metal. These pliers are designed for cutting small, light pieces of wire, cotter keys, solder, etc., and should not be used to hold or grip items. When cutting, restrain the piece that is to be cut off so that it will not become a missile hazard. End cutting pliers, or nip­pers, are used to cut off wire flush to the working surface, thus keeping fingers away from the wire ends. Hand shears are made with straight or curved cutting blades and are used for cutting sheet metal. Shears are made for right-handed operators so that the cutting line is always in full view for accuracy. Straight blade shears are used for cutting straight lines and curves, while curved bladed shears are used for cutting short straight lines and curves and small intricate designs.

When using diagonal pliers, end cutting pliers, or shears, keep fingers away from the jaws and cutting edges and always wear eye protection. Do not attempt to cut material that is heavier than the tool is designed for. Do not use pliers or shears as hammers or pry bars. Keep shears sharp with an oil stone or file. Grinding is not recommended and shortens shear life. Keep pliers and shears clean and lubricate the pivot point with a light oil. Store in a dry location on hooks or a shelf, protecting the cutting surfaces from contact with other tools. A thin coat of oil can be applied to protect from rust. Do not remove insulation from handles or oil insulated handles. Replace pliers or shears that have broken handles, cutting edges, or jaws.

Straight lip jaw tongs have a fixed pivot point, two straight jaws and long handles and are used for placing hot items into and picking them out of pickling solution. These thongs should be made of materials that will not react with the solution and discolor the metals being handled.

 

Files come in many types and sizes and are used in metal smithing and soap stone carving. Some general safety precautions for using files are:

1.       Never use a file without a securely attached file handle (unless it is a swiss pattern type).

2.       Do not oil files which will cause the file to slide across the work, preventing fast cutting.

3.       Do not use files for anything but filing.

4.       Clean files often, as clogged files will scratch the work. Always use a file scorer and file cleaning brush to clean a file. Do not strike against another tool or object to remove filings.

5.       Store files in a file rack or box so that the file faces or edges do not touch each other or other tools. Do not store files with lubricants on them. Wrap each file with a water-proofed barrier wrapping paper. Proper use of hand tools will provide the operator with long tool life, injury free.

 

EFMLS-NEWSLETTER- The September issue of the EFMLS newsletter is available on their web site at: www.amfed.org/efmls/

 

Via The Franklin County Rockhounder 10/05

 

Quartzsite City Wide Events 2005 - 2006

http://www.quartzsitechamber.com/show_schedule.html

 

I don’t know how many people still plan on visiting Quartzsite this year, but it seams someone always asks when the Pow Wow is.

 

·     Nov 1 – Dec 31 Gold Rush Days (Prospectors Panorama)

·     Nov 1 – Feb 28 Rice Ranch

·     Dec 18 “Senior Prom”

·     Jan 1 – Feb 28 Desert Gardens

·     Jan 3 - 15 Gold Show (Prospectors Panorama)

·     Jan 6 - 15 Tyson Wells Rock & Gem Show

·     Jan 6 - 31 Main Event

·     Jan 7 Hi Jolly Daze Parade/Events

·     Jan 17 – Feb 3 Gem & Mineral Show (Prospectors Panorama)

·     Jan 20 - 29 Tyson Wells Sell-A-Rama

·     Jan 21 - 29 Sports Vacation & RV Show (Big Tent)

·     Feb 5 - 12 Peddler’s Faire (Prospectors Panorama)

·     Jan 25 – 29 QIA Pow Wow - 40th Anniversary

·     Feb 1 - 5 Hobby Craft & Gem Show (Big Tent)

·     Feb 3 - 12 Tyson Wells Arts & Crafts

·     Feb 4 - 5 Rock & Roll Car Show (Big Tent)

·     Feb 24 - 25 Blue Grass Festival

·     Feb 25 Chili Cook-off and Salsa Championship

·     Mar 3 - 4 Mardi Gras Faire, Tyson Wells Market Square - Black Rock Marketplace - Camel Swap Meet

 

Hints & Tips

 

Poisonous Minerals?

Mineral specimens may be poisonous under certain conditions, or when mixed with cleaners. Never heat cinnabar or stibnite. They produce poisonous gases.

 

Taken from The Rockpile, Midwest Mineralogical and Lapidary Society Dearborn Michigan, June 2005

 

Toothpaste?

Toothpaste with fluoride formula has the unique characteristic of penetrating stone, ceramics, brick or terra cotta and flushing dirt to the surface, where it can be washed away with water. It was used to restore Etruscan vases by New York's most famous art and antique restorer.

 

Taken from The Rockpile, Midwest Mineralogical and Lapidary Society Dearborn Michigan June 2005

 

Jade polishing tip

That glaze on your jade cab is caused by working with well-worn sandpaper. Try washing the stone in acetone, then washing in detergent two or three times, scrubbing with a toothbrush. Rinse well and try it on new sandpaper.

 

Taken from The Pegmatite, San Diego M&G Society San Diego California, June-July-Aug 2005

 

Via Quarry Quips 7/05

 

Where Can I Collect Landscaping Rocks On Public Land?

by Mark Milligan and William F. Case

 

Landscaping rock or "decorative stone" can be collected from "common use areas" or "community pits" on U.S. Forest Service and Bureau of Land Management (BLM) public lands in various locations across the State of Utah. Common-use areas/community pits are for noncommercial or small-scale collection and requires a permit.

The rules and stipulations for collecting vary from region to region and pit to pit. Blasting is generally not allowed, but some pits allow the use of heavy equipment. Other pits or areas only allow hand loading or excavating.

Look on the internet site: http://geology.utah.gov/surveynotes/gladasked/gladscaperock.htm or the same website putting a 2.htm for the chart.

This gives a chart listing the permitting office and phone number, pit name or location name, Topo Map location, Material and Cost (royalty & reclamation fee)

Permits must be obtained prior to collection of material in most of the places listed.

Collecting decorative stone as described in this article is subject to different rules and regulations than rockhounding. For rockhounding information consult Rules and Regulations Regarding Rock, Mineral, and Fossil Collecting in Utah. (PI-23). This informational booklet is free from the Natural Resources Map and Bookstore, 1594 West North Temple, Salt Lake City, UT 84116 (801) 537-3320, or toll free 1 (888) UTAHMAP.

The material listed on the chart at the above mentioned site tells where to find green flagstone, red and black cinder, shale, quartzite ashlar & boulders, quartzite flagstone & boulders, white volcanic tuff, quarried quartzite boulders, basalt boulders, rip rap, clinker, pock-marked rock, obsidian, gray or red "lace rock", Zebra rock, volcanic boulders, iron-coated cobbles, carbonaceous shale, granite boulders, hard limey flagstone and limestone.

Prices range from $25_,a ton for obsidian to .50 cents a ton for landscape cinders. Some places on the Manti-La Sal National Forest (NF) at Sanpete, Ferron, Price Moab & Monticello areas and Fishlake NF and Dixie NF at Pine Valley, Cedar City, Powell, Escalante and Teasdale, and the Ashley NF at Flaming Gorge, Vernal, Roosevelt & Duchesne where various materials can be found, a no fee permit is required, these are for hand collection only.

 

Via Rock Chips 11/05

 

History Of Tooele Gem And Mineral Society

 

The Tooele Gem and Mineral Society was co-founded by James and Wilma Jean May and Earl and Bessie Sorenson with the help of three Utah Federation representatives--William Sayler, Cecil Beatty, and Clair Shelton--on February 13, 1964, at the Tooele City Hall. During the first two meetings, there were 36 people who paid their dues and became charter members:

Clair and Rose Shelton--Orem, Utah

William and Hazel Sayler--Salt Lake City, Utah

Cecil and Beth Beatty--Orem, Utah

Floyd and Mary Skelton--Tooele, Utah

Earl and Bessie Sorenson--Tooele, Utah

Edwin and Zora Finch—Tooele, Utah

Lynn and Maxine Struhs--Tooele, Utah

Don and Roselyn Phillips--Tooele, Utah

Howard and LaVern Jensen--Tooele, Utah

Dr. Herbert Millburn--Tooele, Utah

Lillian Longhway--Tooele, Utah

James and Wilma Jean May--Tooele, Utah

Irvin Sagers--Tooele, Utah

Margaret Nix--Tooele, Utah

Jack and Roger Maher--Tooele, Utah

Patra Warner--Tooele, Utah

Floyd and Klea Kirk--Tooele, Utah

Darwin and Elizabeth Finch--Tooele, Utah

Orrin P. and Amy Miller--Tooele, Utah

Clyde, Billie, and Clyde L. Moore--Tooele, Utah

Lloyd Grisso--Tooele, Utah

 

James and Wilma Jean May are the only ones who have remained members, while Earl and Bessie Sorenson recently rejoined.

The purpose of the society is to promote the association of people with the same interest in the study of minerals, gem collecting, silversmithing, Indian arti­facts, and other related subjects.

The first President was Lloyd Grisso. He resigned before his term expired. He was followed by Earl Sorenson, who resigned and moved to Nevada before the expira­tion of his term. President number three, Ed Finch, saw the club through to January 1965. There have been four women presidents: Neva Johnson and Darlene Dover in 1967; and Rae Reed and Norma Johnson in 1981. The following is a complete list of presidents:

1964 Lloyd Grisso

1964 Earl Sorenson

1964 Edwin Finch

1965 Charles Gibson

1966 Frank Olsen

1967 Neva Johnson

1967 Darlene Dover

1968 Glenn Dover 1968

Jim Jacobs 1969

Jim Jacobs

1970 Raeldon Baudino

1971 Irvin Jones

1972 Heinz Jockisch

1973 Lee Oyler

1974 Bill Feldmann

1975 Darrell Coffman

1976 Don Powers

1977 Don Smith

1978 Kay Johnson

1979 Bob Titus

1980 Lin Carter

1981 Rae Reed

1981 Norma Johnson

1982 Phil Salm

1983 Bob DeVore

1984 Irvin Jones

1985 Darrell Coffman

1986 Clint Petersen

1986 Bob DeVore

1987 Eldon Shinkle

1988 Earl Copfer

1989 Earl Copfer

 

Charles and Blanche Gibson co-founded and co-edited the "Strata Gems," the club paper. The late Frank Olsen was the first club photographer. Raeldon Baudino was the first librarian following his term of president.

The membership has grown from 52 in 1964 to over 120 since 1976. Not only are the members from Utah, but also some have lived in Texas, Kansas, California, Montana, and Wyoming.

The first Gem Show was held September 14, 1965 at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Gibson in Grantsville. Ten families displayed their favorite gemstones. The next year, it was held at 114 N. Broadway on August 6, 1966 in a building owned by LaVar Tate, which was Philips Furniture Store. In 1967, it was held in the Nation-al Guard Armory where we hosted a Utah Federation Show. From 1968 to 1972, the shows were held in the Smeltermans Hall (now the Senior Citizens Center). From 1973 to 1983, a move was made to the National Guard Armory. Then in 1984, the Tooele County Complex was completed, and the shows have been held there since then.

The elementary schools from the area were invited to tour the show in 1968, and have continued to do so throughout the years. The theme "Artistry of Gems" has been the title of the show since 1973.

Field trips to collect gemstones for making jewelry and displaying are taken during the warmer months. In the first year, 1964, it was reported that 1,906 miles had been traveled by club members to collect trilobites, petrified wood, red horn coral, obsidian, dinosaur bone, and other agates. Not only are trips taken through-out Utah, but also we have traveled to Nevada, Arizona, Wyoming, Oregon, Montana, and Idaho. The Club has three Geode Bed claims in Juab County.

There are three regional clubs the Club is affiliated with--the Utah Federation, the Rocky Mountain Federation, and the American Federation Mineral Society.

Throughout the years, the organization has contributed to several projects in the community and nationwide. Commemorative stamps were collected and the proceeds went for milk and food for children all over the world. In 1973, 200 necklaces, 70 tie tacks, and 30 key chains--each bearing a stone from Utah--were presented to the 4-H Extension Office to be given out at the Western States 4-H leaders forum in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Through the collection of Betty Crocker coupons and monies, the Club achieved a 200% membership ($1.00 per member) towards the AFMS Scholarship Foundation in 1975. Fifty dollars was donated to the Tooele Valley Nursing Home for a large screen TV in 1983, and also $100.00 to the the Tooele Rail-road Museum along with show cases later. We have also contributed to the Miss Tooele County Pageant for a scholarship.

Since January 1980, meetings have been held at the Senior Citizens Center, the second Tuesday of each month except in July, August, and December. There have been four other meeting places. We met first in the Civic Room at the Tooele City Hall in February 196⁴; then at the Smeltermans Hall in April 197². The next move was to the American Legion Hall in January _1973, and then to the T.A.D. Credit Union Building in February 1974.

1989 marks the 25th year of this organization.

 

SHERRI MILLER

Historian

Exchange Editors

 

Dear exchange editors, I am trying to figure out how to reduce the cost of sending out our newsletter. I would appreciate if you are currently getting the newsletter but have an email address, you might consider having it emailed to you. I usually keep it between 400-800kb PDF file, the worse thing is downloading Acrobat Reader if it isn’t already on your computer. Please contact me at dennischap at ureach.com if you are interested.

 

I will be moving to Quartzsite, AZ. if you can update my mailing address it would be appreciated:

 

Dennis Chapman

Editor

 

Moonstone

 

Moonstone is the best known gem variety of orthoclase feldspar, being potassium aluminum silicate KAlSi3O8. It is usually polished as a cabochon, and is often carved with a moon face. Its importance as a gemstone arises because of its schiller, which in moonstone has been given the name adularescence. This is caused by a feature of its crystal structure. Orthoclase feldspar and albite are present in close association, arranged in layers. This causes an interference effect of light. The color of this schiller regarded as most desirable is blue, which usually occurs in a white or grey body color. If the albite layers are too thick this schiller appears whitish which is less attractive. Hound’s Howl September 2005 8 Moonstone was very popular early in the 20th century and was extensively used in Art Nouveau jewelry. Moonstone has a hardness of 6 and a specific gravity of 2.57. It is monoclinic; it has one two-fold axis of symmetry. Adularia is a common type of moonstone. Oligoclase is another type of moonstone; Labradorite and albite are rare forms

 

Inclusions:

Moonstone contains a number of typical inclusions which appear to be stress cracks. These give the appearance of centipede type insects, Chinese "aeroplanes" looking like characters from Chinese writing, negative cavities looking like rectangular crystals, and needle-like shapes. If present in large numbers, the needle shaped inclusions can cause a cat's eye chatoyancy effect.

 

Color:

The most desirable color of moonstone is blue, but it also occurs in grey, white, pink, green and brown.

 

Mythology:

All qualities related to the moon-- sensitivity, intuition, and clairvoyance -- are also connected to moonstone. Even its appearance is subtle. It's not a brilliant stone; all specimens, from the peach and gray hues to the gemquality blue-, and rainbow-colored pieces, cast a light which is soft and translucent. The physical appearance of a stone often suggests its spiritual qualities, and moonstone's foremost attribute is the ability to assist us in calming and soothing the emotions. When one has achieved a state of emotional calmness, this stone may be used to open people to an intuitive understanding of spirituality. Hence, Moonstone: Soothes & balances the emotions; helps eliminate fear of "feeling"; encourages inner growth & strength; aids peace & harmony & psychic abilities; aligns vertebrae; digestive aid.

Lore:

Probably the most famous moonstone of all was not a moonstone but a diamond. In the well-known classic book "The Moonstone" by Wilkie Collins, a large diamond was stolen from an Indian shrine, and a retired policeman is hired as a private detective to investigate a murder and robbery. Wilkie Collins is recognized as the inventor of the English detective novel, and was a friend and colleague of Charles Dickens. Although "The Moonstone" was written in 1868, it remains to this day a masterpiece of English literature. The book is clearly based on a number of stories about famous diamonds which have disappeared and reappeared over the centuries.

Moonstone is the anniversary gemstone for the 13th year of marriage. Moonstone is the US State Gemstone of Florida and New York. Moonstone is said to balance yin/yang.

 

Author Unknown

From Stoney Statements 06/2005; via Hound’s

Via The Rockcollector 9/05

 

Ode to an Aging Rockhound

by Dolores E. Rose, SCRIBE RVP

 

Oh, to have the enthusiasm I had then,

The wonder of a polished stone

Or my first gift of fossil bone,

When I was just a rockhound of ten.

Oh, to have the energy I had aplenty,

To hunt for agates through the day,

And carry my bag all the way.

When I was a rockhound of twenty.

Oh, to have been able to dig and get dirty,

Fossils to find in our Badlands,

Scrounging in mud and sifting sands.

When I was a rockhound of thirty.

Oh, to have the adventure of feeling sporty,

My trusty hammer, pick, and awl

Shale split trilobites...what a haul!

When I was a rockhound of forty.

Oh, but today my life is not very nifty

With pains in the knees and shoulder.

And stiff hands are getting older,

Now that I am a rockhound of fifty.

Oh, but my future hunting may be quite a chore,

But I shall cherish my treasures

For the memories and pleasures,

When I am a rockhound of sixty or more.

 

From SCRIBE October-December, 2005

 

A Little Bit of Humor

A Chain Letter

 

If you are unhappy with your editor, just copy this letter and send it to six (6) other clubs.

Then, bundle up your editor and send him/her to the club that heads the list and add your own club's name and address to the bottom of it.

Within ONE MONTH you will receive 16,436 Editors! One of them ought to be a dandy!

WARNING - Do Not Break The Chain. One club did and got their old editor back.

 

Author unknown, Source Scribe Summer Issue July-Sept 2003

Via Quarry Quips 9/05

 

I think this might work if you are unhappy with any other member’s job. J

Dennis Chapman

 

A Few Questions

 

·     Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

·     Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

·     Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

·     Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

·     Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

·     Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

·     Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?

·     Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

·     Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

·     If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

·     Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

·     Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

·     Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

·     Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

·     Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

·     How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

·     When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

·     Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

·     In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

·     How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

·     If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

·     And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up skydiving!

 

And my FAVORITE...

·     The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

 

Via email